I’m now 45 pages through my reading of the document. Wonderful stuff! I don’t fully grasp all of it (this is also a disclaimer that I don’t personally have access to the core rules yet), but I can still be part of the ever beloved grammar police. I’m simply posting this for Joel’s attention in the hope that it can be of some small help.

I’d also like to point out that during my reading of the ‘power lists’ (correct term?) in a fair few cases Cost:, Rank: and Facing: had their following entries bounded in brackets, where as the majority of entries in the power list do not.

For example on page 42, Dragon God Ascension lists Rank: (5) and Facing: (Any). On the same page Void Emperor Mudra lists Rank: 3 and Facing: Any

I don’t know if this is for some mechanical reason, or just a by-product of furious writing! Hence I haven’t listed them below. Onwards:

Page 1, last paragraph – Only your table can find out. Rule in an acid
hell or serve in *an* steel heaven: the choice is yours
(Likely should be ‘a’ steel heaven)

Page 6, second paragraph – He
exists in the twilight between the mortal
realm and the void, wraithlike and cold and
*Infinitely* patient.
(Should ‘Infinitely’ be capitalised?)

Page 6, fourth paragraph – Heaven, being more
pragmatic than heroic, did what it always
does to monsters so troublesome that they
cannot be overcome through *mean* force:
they gave him a job.
(Should ‘mean’ instead be ‘mere’ force?)

Page 6, seventh paragraph – The
stench of graveyards of despoiled dead is the
only signal of these lumbering corpse-gods;
despite their mind-blowing proportions, they
are utterly silent unless injured.
(Personal Preference – this paragraph tripped me up a bit due to ordering. ‘Despite their mind-blowing proportions, they are utterly silent; only the stench of graveyards of despoiled dead signal the passage of these lumbering corpse-gods. When damaged, they howl and gibber…)

Page 9, third paragraph – The destiny-changing hero who
plunged his blade into *Shamabra’s* all-seeing
eye caught him in the inescapable blind spot.
(Should be ‘Shambara’s’)

Page 12, Temple-Body; paragraph 4 – The general appearance is guided by the
Technique, but you yourself reshape it; the
blueprint of *body* is yours to detail,
(missing a word here?)

Page 12, Temple-Body; paragraph 4 – even making strange and logically impossible
structures within yourself, *were* you are the
architect of cosmic law
(*were* should be replaced with *where*?)

Page 13, Growth and Healing –
(A personal question and clarification: if a room (80 resources) has been totally destroyed, but its resources are not looted, it can be “healed” with the provision of just 40 new resources? And presumably destroying a shrine housing a chakra disrupts that chakra until the room is rebuilt or the shrine is transmigrated?)

Page 29, Ghostly Jurisdiction; last paragraph – Every Arc which the subject remains under
Ghostly Jurisdiction *increased* the Rank of
the Imbalance by 1 Rank.
(‘increased’ should be ‘increases’?)

Page 29, Inevitable Bureaucrat; paragraph 4 – You may put the Chop of *Shinagami*
on any unresisting target.
(Should be ‘Shinigami’)

Page 31, Infernal Mandate; Effect paragraph 5 – You may *introduced* up to your Degree in
total Laws per Arc per Tract.
(Should be ‘introduce’)

Page 35, The Unhallowed offices; throne paragraph – It exists in perpetual darkness,
spreading out in every *directions* as a pall of
mist and shadows.
(‘direction’ should be singular)

Page 36, fourth paragraph – The values in parenthesis are when used to
enhance *Heart)*
(erroneous closed bracket after ‘Heart’)

Page 36, Learning the Ultimate Technique; 6th paragraph – Finally, you must gain the legal approval of
the majority of the 13 Council of *Shinagami*,
who are those that previously mastered this
Technique and act as the final deciding
authority on all matters of Yama’s
Jurisdiction.
(Should be ‘Shinigami’)

Page 38, Icy Talon Clutch; Effect paragraph – Against a Grabbed
enemy, you can pay (3) Prana and freeze them
at (Achieved Rank); this auto-sustains the
effect as *they’re* limbs and torso are frozen
into solid ice.
(replace ‘they’re’ with ‘their’)

Page 39, Treasure Claiming Sigil; Cost – (3)/ Object Size squared
(personal question and clarification: I’m not entirely sure what this is referring to. Bearing in mind I’m not currently privy to the full rule set, but I’m unclear if this is ‘(3) OR Object Size Squared’ or some sort of division.)

Page 42, Void Emperor Mudra; Effect, first paragraph – The total area
covered by the freeze is equal to *1 Field its*
external or internal structures and all
exposed inhabitants.
(suggestion for a comma/and to be inserted after ‘1 Field’)

Page 44, Infinity-Swallowing Nirvana; Effect paragraph 3 – *If* you benefit from this devoured time as
though you had an entire, uninterrupted
Montage scene to spend as you please. You
undergo this wealth of time in the blink of an
eye, benefiting from your ill-gotten temporal
wealth in an otherwise impossible timeframe.
(suggestion that ‘If’ is deleted and ‘You’ is capitalised.)

Page 44, Vritra’s Awakening; paragraph 1 – *Her* continues to emerge for
the length of one Action Scene, where his
endless weight and the searing pain of
causality force his weighty form to sink back
into Naraka.
(need to delete the ‘r’ in ‘Her’. Tentative suggestion to change ‘endless weight’ to ‘endless mass’ for reading flow?)

Page 45, first paragraph – Whirlwinds, deafening
thunderclaps, clouds descending in all-concealing *fogbanks.Terrestrial* stress;
cracks in the earth, quakes, collapsing
*buildings.Something* freezes solid.
(spaces missing between ‘fogbanks.’ and ‘Terrestrial’, and between ‘buildings.’ and ‘Something’)

Page 45, Soul-Freezing Gaze – (Eyes) 2/round
The beams of icy malevolence pouring
forth from Vritra’s eyes freeze a single
focused-on *Field or* with a Rank 8 Cold
Hazard.
(either the ‘or’ is erroneous, or there’s a word missing)

I’ll post any others as I continue to read through. Very much looking forward to the full book!